


In Which Barry Allen Makes Drunk Life Choices

by rosestone



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Comic Book Science, Drunken Kissing, For Science!, Multi, OT3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 14:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2854889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosestone/pseuds/rosestone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caitlin finally manages to get Barry drunk.  Unexpected - but not unwelcome - makeouts ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Barry Allen Makes Drunk Life Choices

**Author's Note:**

> My incredibly belated amnesty entry for Trope Bingo Round 3.

"And you really can't get drunk?" Iris asked, staring as Barry downed a shot of vodka.

"Really can't," he said with a sigh. "This won't even get me buzzed."

The bar's door clattered open, and Iris glanced over to see Eddie entering. "Debrief is done," he said. "Captain Singh suspects nothing. And can I just say, knowing that Barry's the one running around in that costume makes this job so, so much weirder."

"Eddie doesn't like the costume," Iris stage-whispered to Barry, grinning.

"Don't let Cisco hear about it," Barry said, raising another shot. "He made it himself. He loves that thing."

"Oh, well, no wonder it looks like something out of a comic book." Eddie sat down next to Iris. "Isn't it a little early for hard liquor?"

"Barry can't get drunk," Iris said.

"Wow. That... sucks."

"Also, isn't comic-book kind of the idea? Barry fights a guy who calls himself Captain Cold on a regular basis. Our life couldn't get any more comic book if it tried."

"We're here!" The door banged open again. This time it was Caitlin and Cisco who entered.

"Sorry we're late," Cisco said. "Caitlin had to finish an experiment."

"Working on how to take Captain Cold down for good?" Eddie guessed. "On behalf of Central City Police, I'd like to say that we'd be incredibly grateful if you could do that. I'm sick of that guy."

"Wrong scientist," Caitlin said, putting a foam box down on the counter. She opened the lid and pulled out a small vial. "In celebration of Barry's latest victory over Captain Cold, I would like to reveal..."

Cisco began a drumroll on the counter, grinning.

"My latest solution to Barry not being able to get drunk!" Caitlin presented the vial to Barry.

"Will this work? 'Cause you thought it'd work last time, and, well..."

"That worked!" Caitlin said. "Just not for very long."

"Okay, so, what is it?" Iris asked.

"It's a... basically it's a medication. It works on the liver's alcohol-consuming enzymes to temporarily shut them down. Sort of like anti-alcoholism medications, except the opposite, and hopefully without the unpleasant effects."

"I'm not enthusiastic about that 'hopefully'," Barry said. He raised the vial to his mouth. "Here goes nothing."

 

***

 

"Caitlin. Caitlin. Caitlin, I think... I think your medicine thing worked." Barry leaned in close to Caitlin, face serious.

She giggled. "Good to know. You should drink some water, Barry."

"Mmkay." He reached out for another shot of vodka.

"That's not water, Barry. Here, lemme..." Caitlin switched the shot glass in his hand for a tumbler of water, and then drank the vodka for good measure. Barry pouted at her, but drank the water. Down the other end of the bar, Eddie - who'd stuck to beer after his first few shots, citing work the next day - gave her a thumbs up. Cisco, hands waving in the air as he told Iris and Eddie the story of the time Green Arrow had come to town, didn't notice. Iris smiled at Eddie, head on his shoulder, and then glanced over at Barry. Her smile widened. Barry's breath huffed out like he'd been punched.

Caitlin put an arm around his shoulder. "It'll be okay."

Barry sighed. "I think I need more vodka."

"Sounds good."

 

***

 

"I think I'm gonna regret this tomorrow," Iris said, laying her head on the bar. "Tomorrow will suck. A lot."

"Yeah," Caitlin sighed.

Eddie rubbed Iris's back. "I'll leave a glass of water and some Advil for you before I go to work."

"You're the best boyfriend," Iris said, grinning. "The best."

"I try," he said, smiling down at her.

"Hey, Eddie? Eddie. I need to talk to you." Barry, who'd been at the other end of the bar talking to Cisco, leaned against the counter next to Eddie.

"What's up?"

"Are you okay, Eddie?"

Eddie frowned. "Am I okay?"

"You were there. At the, the thing with Captain Cold. And his cold weapon thing got really close to you. Really really close." Barry leaned closer to Eddie. "And I saved you, but. Are you okay?"

Eddie patted him on the shoulder. "I'm fine, Barry."

"Okay. Good. You should always be fine. You shouldn't get hurt, that's bad."

"Thanks for the good wishes, I guess. And for saving me. But I think I'm gonna cut you off now, Barry. You've probably had enough -"

Barry leaned forward and kissed him. Eddie froze.

"You should always be fine," Barry said, leaning back. He wandered away. A bright red blush rose up Eddie's face.

"Wow," Iris breathed.

The door to the bathroom opened and Cisco stepped out. He glanced over at them and frowned. "Did I miss something?"

 

***

 

Caitlin slumped against her desk, an icepack on her forehead. When her phone bleeped, she jumped and swore under her breath.

 

BARRY: _thanks for last night, it was great!_

CAITLIN: _You're not even hung over, are you?_

BARRY: _sorry, super metabolism :)_

 

Caitlin frowned at her phone. Her memories of last night were fuzzy, but one thing stood out clearly, and she was pretty sure Barry wouldn't be so chipper if he remembered it too.

 

CAITLIN: _How much of last night do you remember?_

BARRY: _being drunk. having a fun night out with my friends. argument with cisco about science._

BARRY: _what did i do_

CAITLIN: _Have you talked to Iris or Eddie this morning?_

BARRY: _oh god what did i do_

BARRY: _did i hit on iris_

BARRY: _caitlin please tell me i didn't hit on iris_

BARRY: _caitlin please answer me_

CAITLIN: _You didn't hit on Iris._

BARRY: _oh thank god_

BARRY: _what did i do???_

 

Caitlin bit her lip. She wasn't entirely sure what to do.

 

CAITLIN: _You should probably talk to Iris._

BARRY: _please tell me_

 

Caitlin sighed. "This is the wrong choice."

 

CAITLIN: _You kissed Eddie._

 

There was a long silence. Caitlin put her phone down, retrieved her slipping icepack, and went back to trying to ignore her headache.

After a few minutes of silence, she sighed and picked her phone up again.

 

CAITLIN: _Hi Iris. I was wondering how clear your memories of last night are._

IRIS: _Either something really weird happened while barry was drunk or i had a super vivid weird dream because i was drunk_

IRIS: _Eddie left before i woke up so i didn't get to ask him_

CAITLIN: _It wasn't a dream. As long as we're talking about the same thing._

IRIS: _Are we talking about the thing where my best friend kissed my boyfriend_

CAITLIN: _That would be it._

IRIS: _Do you think barry remembers? He was pretty drunk_

CAITLIN: _He didn't remember earlier. I told him what happened._

IRIS: _Ugh_

IRIS: _Is he ok?_

 

CAITLIN: _Barry, are you okay?_

BARRY: _oh my god i kissed eddie_

 

CAITLIN: _He sounds a bit traumatised._

IRIS: _We'll have to talk about this, won't we_

IRIS: _Most awkward conversation ever_

IRIS: _Unless it ends in a threesome i guess_

CAITLIN: _Okay, I'm getting back to work now._

IRIS: _Sorry!!!_

IRIS: _Still a little drunk brain i think, normally i don't overshare this much. Sorry_

 

CAITLIN: _Do you remember last night now?_

BARRY: _yes_

BARRY: _did i use tongue. i think i used tongue_

CAITLIN: _You'd have to ask Eddie about that._

BARRY: _oh my godddd_

CAITLIN: _Okay, I'm going to suffer my hangover in peace now. You should talk to Iris._

BARRY: _i would rather fight captain cold again with your hangover_

BARRY: _and cisco's hangover_

CAITLIN: _I'm turning my phone off now._

 

Caitlin smiled as she saw her phone's screen dim to black. She rested her head on the desk, shoving her icepack higher on her forehead, and waited for her painkillers to kick in.

 

***

 

"Hey, sweetie. What are you doing here?" Joe glanced up from the pile of paperwork at his desk.

Iris smiled at her dad. "Have to talk to Barry. Is he upstairs?"

"He's barely left his lab all day. Iris..." Joe put his pen down, frowning. "Did something happen last night? He's been kind of antsy. Upset, even."

Iris shook her head. "Nope. Just wanted to talk to him. I'll head on up, then."

She paused outside the door. Barry was standing by the window, arms crossed, hair fluffed as though he'd been running his hands through it.

"Hey," she said. Barry jerked around. When he saw who it was, he flinched.

"Hi. So, uh... is this the part where we talk about what happened last night?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Barry exhaled sharply. "Okay. I am so, so sorry, Iris. I - I have no idea what came over me."

"Alcohol?" Iris suggested, smiling.

"True. But it's not an excuse. I should never have... done that."

"Kissed Eddie."

"Yes. That."

"You realise you should be apologising to Eddie, not me?"

Barry ran a hand through his hair, fluffing it up even further. "I was kind of hoping to get killed by a metahuman before that happened." He grinned weakly.

"You guys both work here, Barry. You can only avoid him for so long."

"Yeah, I know. I just..." Barry exhaled. "All the stuff that's happened, the last few months? Eddie'd be pretty justified in hating me. I mean, I lied to him, I lied to you, I beat him up that one time, I - the whole thing with the, you know, the crush - but he doesn't. He and I are friends and I just - I messed it up, didn't I? I mean - God." Barry turned to face the window again, back tense.

Iris walked over to him and rested a hand on his back. "You know Eddie's not gonna go all homophobic asshole on you, right? It's not that much of a difference, having a crush on me or on him."

"Just because he doesn't care about Singh doesn't mean he won't freak out about one of his friends jumping him."

Iris rolled her eyes. "Okay, a) that was hardly jumping him, you guys barely kissed, and b) I think I know my own boyfriend well enough to say that he won't care. I won't say he's not freaking out right now, because he probably is, but I promise it's not about that."

"Promise?" Barry glanced up at her, smiling just a little.

"Would I say so if I didn't mean it?" His smile widened, and she returned it. "I'm gonna go talk to Eddie, okay? I'll get him to come up here later."

"Yeah. Sure."

 

***

 

Eddie stood up when Iris approached his desk. "Let's go talk somewhere more private, okay?"

Iris trailed after him as he hurried out of the room, uncomfortably aware of her father's eyes on them. They took the elevator down to the archives, which were quiet this time of day. Iris perched on the edge of a table and watched as Eddie stalked back and forth across the room tensely.

"So," she said eventually, when it became clear that Eddie wasn't going to start talking, "is this about the time when you told me you thought Barry was cute and I told you he was straight?"

"No! Yes. I just - why did he have to do that? I was doing a really good job of not thinking of him as anything other than a cute friend and - fuck. I've spent years trying not to turn into that stereotype, of a bi person who can't keep their eyes off other people -"

"Eddie," Iris said. "When Oliver Queen came to town, do you really think I didn't look? Or think about the possibility? Everyone does that. It doesn't mean they'd cheat. I trust you, Eddie."

Eddie slumped against the wall with a groan. "Yeah, except that Oliver Queen being in town isn't something that happens every day. Being around Barry is. I work with him, I help him fight metahumans, I go out for drinks after. He's practically Joe's son. I can't just pretend he doesn't exist."

"Maybe you don't have to."

Eddie raised his eyebrows at her. "What, is he so embarrassed that he ran off to hide on the other side of the world?"

"No," Iris said patiently. "Just - you like him and me. He likes me and, apparently, you. I like you, and, well..."

"I thought you said you didn't feel that way about him."

Iris sighed. "I didn't when I said it. But once he told me how he felt, I couldn't not wonder, you know? What would our lives have been like if he'd told me sometime in the last decade? I've been trying not to think about it too much. I love you, Eddie, but I don't think it'd take too much for me to love Barry in a more-than-friends way."

"So you're suggesting that we, what, have a threesome?"

"You don't think it's a good idea?"

"No! ...Yes, okay, but I'm not thinking with my head there."

"Come on. What could go wrong?"

"So, so many things." Eddie smiled. "I think Barry's getting used to his life being a disaster after the last few months, though, so I guess one of us will be prepared."

 

***

 

"Hey. We, uh, we have to talk." Eddie closed the door to Barry's lab behind himself.

"I'd like to start by saying that I'm so, so -"

"Iris thinks we should have a threesome."

Barry's mouth hung open. "Um. What? I think maybe I misheard you, because that sounded a lot like you suggested we have a threesome, which is flattering, but -"

"Allen!" Eddie exhaled sharply. "Barry. Look, just - what do we have to lose here?"

"Well, I don't know about you, but my oldest friend?"

"Barry, you already confessed to having been in love with her for most of your friendship and to secretly lying about being a superhero. What the hell do you think sleeping with us is going to do to your friendship that you haven't already done?"

"You make a valid point," Barry admitted.

"Look. Can we just..." Eddie cupped Barry's cheek.

"Oh! Are we trying the kissing thing again?"

Eddie grinned. "Thought maybe we should try when you're not drunk out of your mind."

"Okay. That's - mmm."

"Mmm," Eddie agreed, sliding his other hand into Barry's hair.

Iris eased the door open behind them and peered through the gap. Seeing them, she smiled and slipped into the room.

"So," she said, voice light, "do I get a turn?"

Barry jerked backwards with a yelp. "Iris! I didn't see - when did you get in here?"

Eddie stepped back, grinning. "I think she asked you a question, Barry."

Barry stepped closer to Iris, eyes wide. He slowly leaned down and kissed her, lips barely brushing, hands fluttering in the air as if he didn't know where to put them. Iris put a hand on the back of his neck and tugged down firmly, sealing their lips together.

When they came up for air a few minutes later, Barry drew back. "Was that okay?" He glanced at Eddie, including him in the question.

"I am totally okay with watching that," Eddie said, dropping his arms around their shoulders.

Iris smiled. "Yeah, Barry. I think we're going to be just fine."

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently this is the first Barry/Eddie/Iris fic on AO3. I feel like that honour should've gone to a less ridiculous fic, but ah well.


End file.
